Bad Day

Today hasn't exactly been the best day for me. I woke up sore and cranky then became depressed and easily able to cry after my nap. Of course, it doesn't help that I accidently almost dropped my daughter today, and hubs made a negative comment about it.

I felt bad enough to go to the bedroom and bawl. To be honest that's all I feel like doing now. The only reason I'm not is because hubs is behind me and would hear everything.

There are other issues between hubs and I that I don't know how I feel about writing. I guess if this is to be an honest blog than I should, but I don't want hubs to get upset about my writing about it. I guess I can write about it without really explaining everything.

There are things lacking in our marriage that I need. I've explained it to hubs and he understands, but doesn't seem to want to make an effort to change the problem. What's worse is that same situation happened in my last relationship and was one of the 'last straws' so to speak. I got tired of needing stuff and not having the other person give a shit. So I'm kinda scared that this relationship is going downhill and I won't be able to stop it.

I just don't know what to do about that.

When I Feel Like This, Don't Bug Me.

So, we live in a small place. 30 feet worth of camper-trailer. Aside from all the 'white trash' jokes that piss me off, the worst thing about living this way is being in too small of a spot. Especially when hubby is just as moody as you are. It hasn't been a good day all around.

I don't have a lot to say, really, except that I'm in a really bad mood. Hubby has been pushing my buttons today and I've been pushing his, so literally all day we've been bickering. At one point he even mentioned him leaving if he was so bad. Why do people do this?

It always makes me almost have a meltdown complete with tears and fears that I'll wake up and he'll be gone. I've gotten to the point that I've offered to leave so that he'll stay. Stupid reasoning, I know, but that's where I'm at.

As mentioned before; being bipolar sucks. I hate going from happy to sad to bitchy. What hubs doesn't understand is it's just as hard on me as it is on him. I don't think he realizes that I feel like my world is turning upside down and I don't know who I am, where I'm going, or why I'm crying half the time.

I hate it.

The Beginning

This isn't my first blog and it probably won't be the last. I have loads of blogs I read on a normal basis...well, normal before I went offline for about 2 years. Life is crazy and it's dealt me some hard blows, but I keep on keeping on.

I'm a stay at home mom. My husband, while wonderful, tends to drive me crazy. We bicker about little things, but that's to be expected. Not many people could live with me, that's for sure.

I've been off my meds for about a week now. My dr. refuses to refill them until I can go see her, and I can't go see her for lack of gas and whatnot. My hubby wants us to go, but I'm trying to save our gas for when we go to his mother's house for Christmas...which should be an interesting story in itself.

Having said that I'm off my meds., I'd like to say that I'm a total bitch with a lack of desire to do any damn thing except hole myself up in a room and play on the computer.

I've even lost the desire to spend time with my 7 month old daughter... which is pretty bad because she's a dream come true for me.

So, hubby and I bickered tonight.

Now all I want to do is sit here, cry, and blog. Go figure, right?

Anyway, I'll post more later when I'm feeling better. Right now I think I should go to bed while the getting's good... otherwise I'll just sit here and continue crying.

And I'd like for someone to read this, after all.